My two fave tunes at the moment:

The Kill by 30 seconds to mars

Travis Barker Remix Soulja Boy “Crank That”

Well, weighed myself last night and another 5 pounds is gone.

It is coming off slowly now, but I am happy!

I am starting to research plastic surgery now, so if anyone has any recommendations, please leave them in the comments section or contact me!

This is the drink that my sister loves, Caipirinha, made with Cachaca .
I always take her a bottle when I visit.

Kelly, here is a video on how to make it!

Here are a couple of photos I took this weekend:

A quick guide to Hull Speak:

Surfer - Posh name for a settee
Merce Curd - Obsolete radio communications
Mama Mia - Here I am mother
Myrrh-Bile - My other telephone
Me Likle Perny - A toy horse
A Terld-a-merl - I informed everyone
Perch Deg - A snack, usually served on terst…
Spurts clairs - Garments worn by athletes
Meolidiz - My annual vacation
Yerolidiz - Your annual vacation
Erk - A type of wood
Yer sir slur - You are not very fast
Rail Smerl - Not very big
Rerm - The capital of Italy
Kirk-a-curler - A fizzy drink, usually served curled…
Burn idol - Extreme laziness
Bains out larkin - The children are out playing
Gunna Snerr - Winter weather is expected
Rerd Rage - Disgruntled drivers
Perm - A composition in verse
Yer mammal nerr - Your mother will have the information
The Nerth Pearl - The most northerly point on earth
Erm sweet erm - One’s place of residence
Oi! Gerreer! - Please approach me
Ners Kern - The pointed end of a rocket
Fern Curls - Telecommnications
The Perp - Head of the catholic church
Yer Jerkin’ - I dont beleive you
Lerd ‘n lerds - Plenty
British Erm Stairs - Well known department store
Pearls - People from Poland
Err nerr! - An expression of dismay
Goin’ on rerd - Going shopping
Gorra Curled - I have the sniffles

I wanted to say a quick thank you to Paddy for the donation of US$50 to my paypal account, it will really really help me!

Thanks Padster, you have always been a good mate!

The opposite of an international jet-setter is a local bus-getter. Local people sometimes feel they’re missing the big wide world. There is a big wide world out there, but it’s comprised almost entirely of other local places. If you’ve gone halfway round the world to meet interesting people, there’s a good chance you’ll miss them because they’ve gone halfway round the world to see you.International papers tell Americans travelling in Egypt what the Japanese are doing in Russia. Local people read local news. In truly local newspapers, the classified ads are more newsworthy than the news pages. When a double bed and wet suit goes up for sale, everyone in the locality can draw their own conclusions.

Being a local person means you are more polite, but you also gossip more. You’re more polite because you have to live with all the people you don’t like, but you gossip more because it’s the only way to express your dislike to like-minded people.

Local people get involved in local projects. These are normally for the benefit of local people, but normally the biggest benefit is to the people organising the local projects, because it keeps them out of the double bed and wet suit.

Local politics attracts people who want to take a strict party line on the positioning of a new park bench. It also gives people a taste of what they would have been like as a minister/prime minister had they not chosen to retire early from the sandpaper industry. There are two kinds of modern community: online and in-hall. One is global, the other is local. Halls are the great factories of good deeds up and down the land. They also raise money - the equivalent of a penny on income tax.

Local accents are much in demand these days, especially on national TV programmes. Some accents, such as Scottish, have great staying power in exile. Others, like the Wolverhampton & Dudley accent, don’t make it past the ring road.

For many men, being one of the locals in your local local is something to aspire to. To be one, you have to start drinking in your local at 14 and keep going for the next 30 years, preferably drinking the same drink in the same spot. Drinking in vast quantities is essential to anaesthetise you against the other locals.

I think I will stay Brunette…

What women really want from a man has been the topic of conversation frequently these past few weeks. Remember, every woman is different, but here are a few general ideas…

Return her messages
Many women gauge a man’s interest level by how long it takes him to respond when she contacts him. If his response time is poor, she might assume he’s just not that into her. Now, it’s no secret that women and men have differing opinions on what constitutes good communication, and we’re not saying you need to drop everything the minute she calls. She knows you’re a busy man; she’s busy too. What women want is for you to get back to them as soon as you’re able to, as opposed to sometime the following day. This doesn’t mean you have to send an e-mail or a text of epic proportions if you don’t have time; a sentence or two will suffice to make her feel like you care — which is all she really wants to know.

Kiss her for no reason
As much as they love sex, women also enjoy a nice, deep kiss that doesn’t have any strings attached. This serves two purposes: It lets her indulge in kissing for the sheer pleasure of it, and it also tells her you want her, and not just sex. Yes, you’re charming and sexy and she loves being naughty for you, but sometimes she needs a different type of connection. To really do what women want, try a surprise kiss for no reason at all; she’ll love you for it. Combine this with a little hand-holding and she’ll be smiling for days.

Dance with her
Simply put, dancing with a woman makes her feel special. Unfortunately, most men are reluctant to put their dancing shoes on, especially in a public setting. Guess what? While she’d probably welcome the idea, you don’t need to visit a nightclub to dance with your woman. She’ll be just as thrilled if you slipped a little Marvin Gaye on and danced with her in the living room. This would actually be to your advantage, as you have total control over the music. You’re also conveniently located if the dancing starts to get dirty…

Dress up for her
This does not include dressing in women’s clothing or lingerie!
Dressing up to take your woman out is an excellent way to impress her. It’s not about the clothes; it’s about the fact that you find her worth dressing up for. It lets her know that you think she’s worth that kind of effort. Besides, a nice shirt and dress pants can increase your sex appeal by leaps and bounds; you may feel overdressed, but your hotness factor will have magnified exponentially. It’s true what they say: Women really do love a sharp-dressed man.

Remember random milestones
As a rule, birthdays and anniversaries should always be remembered; forgetting something of this magnitude will send the message that you don’t find her terribly important. After all, she probably memorized yours early on in the relationship, so if hers goes unnoticed, she’ll be utterly heartbroken. Here’s how to do what women want: To truly impress her, aim to remember the insignificant dates, as well as the big ones. The first time you told her you loved her, the first time you kissed, the first place you vacationed together, what she was wearing the first time you met — any one of these will turn her to jelly and score you more bonus points than you can shake a stick at.

Take on an activity with her
What women want is to spend time with their man outside of the bedroom. They want to experience life with their man, and this is one of the best ways to develop a three-dimensional relationship. Don’t worry; I’m not recommending you join her yoga class; rock-climbing, hiking, tennis or cycling are activities both of you can enjoy. If neither of you are the sporty type, try something else that you already excel at. Teach her how to swing a 9-iron or to shoot pool — she’ll love the personalized attention.

Propose a visit to her family
Women love it when a man gets along with her friends, but she simply adores it when he gets along with her family. Even if you’re not particularly fond of her busybody mother and father, suggesting a visit (even just a yearly one) can really make your woman’s day. It lets her know you recognize the importance of family. This is truly the kind of suggestion that leads to a warm and fuzzy feeling, so don’t be afraid to suggest it.

It’s the little things…
When it comes to what women want, the little things really do matter. The items on this list aren’t particularly difficult or time-consuming, but they are, unfortunately, very often overlooked by men. This often leads a woman to feel neglected, which in turn leads to nagging and other problems. Make her feel special, and she’ll go to the ends of the earth for you; try one of these suggestions, and she’ll feel like you’ve already gone there and back for her.

Seeing as I am skint like flint, and the bills are piling up, I am flogging things on ebay.

Click here to view my items for sale!

(don’t forget that you can donate to me using the “buy me a beer” form as well).