I don’t know why, but this reminds me of Jim:

http://www.thewvsr.com/fartads.htm

Attitude
You are optimistic and enthusiastic about your future. However, your impatience causes you to overlook details and ignore choices previously made. You are abstract and imaginative, and enjoy philosophy.

Mental Abilty
You learn slowly, by repetition. You begin with the most fundamental parts, skip nothing, and do not jump around. You make decisions very carefully.

Communication
You keep your inner-most thoughts to yourself. However, you enjoy discussions and are receptive to other opinions. You can be deceitful to yourself.

Goals
You set ambitious, long term goals, though sometimes vague. Fortunately, you have strong will-power, enthusiasm, endurance, and self-confidence, helping you to achieve those goals.

Self Image
You are confident and self-assured, and resultantly set ambitious, long-term goals. However, you are also sensitive to criticism and need approval.

Emotional
You are a cautious person who thinks carefully before acting. You keep feelings inside and do not express them openly, in order to protect yourself. However, you can be empathetic and sympathetic, and forgive and forget quickly.

Social Skills
You are a solitary person, and desire to work alone, and be alone most of the time. However, you do feel isolated sometimes.

As an employee of an institution of substantial turnover, I have a few very basic expectations.

Chief among these is that my superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.

You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never **** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,

[Name Omitted]

This has to be the best parody about myspace that I have seen so far…

These are two characters from television that SCARE THE BEJEEBUS OUT OF ME!!

The Burger King

Foxy Bingo

The character creators spent wwwayyyy too much time reading Stephen King’s IT. This is the kinda shit that gives you nightmares waayyy into adulthood.

Evil - EVIL shit indeed!

KludgeSpot had these listed, and I had to share.

Hahahah, I saw this over on Say No To Crack (what me and my sister say to people passing on bicycles) and I thought you would find it just as amusing.

After my divorce, I have contemplated many things about my ex-husband, and am trying to understand his behaviour.

I am one of those women who get up early in the morning to make sure her hair and makeup is nice, I make sure I look presentable, my clothes well ironed, brush my teeth on a thrice daily basis, and ensure I shower at least once a day.

Also, my career is very important to me.

My ex-husband is now living with someone the complete opposite of me.

Here are some examples:

1. she came to our court appearances in a track suit (a track suit is like a jogging/exercise suit - and believe me, this girl hasn’t seen any exercise recently) and white trainers (the rest of us were in business suits)
2. always looks as if she needs a wash
3. doesnt wear makeup
4. very bad skin
5. never styles her hair, always in a ponytail
6. doesn’t work - she has a couple of eBay shops selling crafts, but hasn’t been paying tax so they are investigating
7. wears gold chains
8. used to live in a council house
9. wears soveriegn rings
10. pregnant (again) out of wedlock
11. single parent with 2 children by 2 different fathers (never married)

This list can go on and on and on…

While my beloved-husband-to-be Rob is different that my ex-husband (much younger, better looking, and doesn’t resort to power trips, manipulation, and violence), I am struggling to understand why the ex has decided to get with this girl/chav (chav is kinda like the US version of white trash).

She isn’t pretty, she kinda smells, and its clear she doesn’t contribute to the household.

Maybe some of you can help me understand?

And while I am at it (bitchy advice that is) I want to say the following:

If you don’t cook healthy meals, get takeaways most nights, spend 70% of your weekends drunk, and then go onto one of those pay-per-week diet plans, don’t get upset when you loose some water weight initially and then pile it all back on.

Being healthy is a lifestyle change, not just something you choose on occasion.

Cut out at least 50% of the alcohol, tinned cans of pasta in sauce, super noodles, microwave meals, crisps, and other shit you put in that filthy gob of yours, and the weight will soon come off!

Perhaps not talking shit about people or gossiping about them whenever you get an opportunity will help you make more real-life friends, too.

Learn to spot the warning signs in time - you know you’re becoming a design geek when:

1. You giggle whenever you use the colors F0CCED, EFF0FF and 44DDDD
2. You’re in the sun and you look around for a Drop Shadow to sit under.
3. You give your relatives a lecture about color spaces and profiles when you email them your vacation photos.
4. Seing someone use Lens Flare or Comic Sans adversely affects your blood-pressure
5. You maintain a grid system for your refrigerator magnets.
6. You organise your CD collection according to the Pantone chart.
7. You sit at work for eight hours straight just looking at your monitor, waiting for a spark of inspiration that doesn’t come.
8. You’re up ’til 5am because you came up with the best idea ever while brushing your teeth.
9. The hottest dream you ever had was “Trace contour… Find Edges… Pinch… Extrude… Smudge Stick… Motion Blur…. Sprayed Strokes…”
10. You know Lorem Ipsum by heart.
11. Your kid knows Lorem Ipsum by heart.
12. The preschool teacher complains your child won’t color inside or outside the lines – only indicate colors on a separate sheet.
13. Activating your entire font collection makes your computer crash – and you’re running OSX.
14. You deliberately butcher your perfectly cross browser compatible site in IE by placing a “Too Cool for IE” banner on it.
15. You prefer a Layer Style of 50% Opacity (or less) on your wife’s Satin.
16. You spend £200 on a font for your personal website because “it’s the only one where the lower-case g is just right…”
17. Looking at a menu make you go “hmmm, ITC Baskerville italic” rather than “mmmm, lunch!”
18. And when you finally order, you go for Layer Based Slices with Grain Texture…
19. You use words about fonts you dislike that other normal people reserve for fascist dictators and serial killers.
20. Apple+Z is the first thing that goes through your mind if you drop and break something.
21. You refer to colleagues as Strict, Transitional, Loose and the Future Unemployed.
22. You refer to your privates as “the Magic Wand”.
23. You actually understand this post and pass it on to your friends.

Just found this article - In Praise of the Inappropriate - and found it quite amusing - I bet you will, too.