Here are 7 types of people you’ll find inside Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.

7. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large

I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I’m speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.

6. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office

Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. “Yeah, I’m gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot…and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?” And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it’s going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You’re better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez’s throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.

5. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer

Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they’re facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!

4. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker

At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn’t have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don’t pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin’ dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: “Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we’re having isn’t it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s sooooo sunny! And what’s better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I’ll get this chai order right up for you. What’s your name? Terry? That’s my cousin’s name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed….Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!”

3. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.

When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam” and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety… unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.

2. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day

Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world’s biggest bore and the world’s biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won’t shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they’re taking over the world and how their coffee totally “doesn’t taste like the gourmet stuff downtown.” But when you bring up the fact that he’s ranting about Starbucks while he’s actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. “Well, here’s the thing, I just didn’t have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it’s one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It’s so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That’s the law of the land. I totally can’t stand that I have to come here, but that’s what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They’re everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?”

1. Study Groups

Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.

I have just updated my weight ticker and have only realised:

• Not only have I lost more weight, I am now within a “NORMAL” BMI Range
• I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight
• I have lost, in total so far, 151 pounds.
• I am now a US size 10/12 - something I haven’t been since I was about 12 years old
• I can wear small/medium sized stockings

Two years ago, I woke up each morning wondering what I was going to wear to hide my fat, and when I was going to eat again.

Amazingly, I have completly changed my attitude towards food and exercise, and I could not be happier.

Now, I often park outside of town and walk to work. Yes, me, walk. I don’t get out of breath, my feet don’t hurt, and quite often, I wear some very sexy shoes. With heels and everything!

I am so happy about my progress and how far I have come, it brings me to tears.

Tears of joy are something I have only experienced very rarely in the past, and lately, they have made a more regular appearance in my life.

Thank goodness for waterproof mascara. Maybe it IS maybeline!

This is the drink that my sister loves, Caipirinha, made with Cachaca .
I always take her a bottle when I visit.

Kelly, here is a video on how to make it!

108 pounds (7.7 stone) lost, 53 pounds (3 stone) to go…

Although doc would be happy with 25 - I want another 53 gone…

I would be happy with a figure more like Kate Winslet, and less like Liza Tarbuck.

This is a classic fried dessert bread of Mexico.
They’re great hot out of the fryer and rolled in cinnamon sugar.

Prep Time: approx. 15 Minutes
Cook Time: approx. 20 Minutes
Ready in: approx. 35 Minutes
Makes 32 sopapillas (16 servings)

8 cups shortening for frying
4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons salt
2 tablespoons shortening
1 cup water
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar

Directions

Heat 8 cups shortening in a deep-fryer to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

In a large bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt.
Cut in 2 tablespoons shortening until mixture
resembles coarse crumbs. Gradually stir in water just until dough pulls together.

Divide dough into 4 pieces and form each piece into a ball.
Roll the balls into 8 inch diameter circles.
Cut each one into 8 wedges.

In a large bowl, mix together the cinnamon and sugar. Set aside.

Fry the wedges until they puff up and turn light brown.

Drain briefly, roll in the cinnamon sugar and serve hot.

Prep Time: approx. 15 minutes.
Cook Time: approx. 1 Hour.
Ready in: approx. 1 Hour 15 Minutes.
Makes 8 servings.

Ingredients:
6 cloves garlic, peeled
1/4 cup olive oil
7 baking potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions

1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2 Place garlic cloves in a small baking dish. Drizzle with olive oil, cover, and bake 45 minutes, or until golden brown.
3 Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to boil. Add potatoes, and cook until tender but firm. Drain, and transfer to a large mixing bowl.
4 Place roasted garlic, milk, Parmesan cheese, and butter into the bowl with the potatoes. Season with salt and pepper.
Beat to desired consistency with an electric mixer.

This dish has a nice bite to it with lots of cheese.
It is equally delicious with cooked pork or beef.

Prep Time: approx. 45 Minutes.
Cook Time: approx. 20 Minutes.
Ready in: approx. 1 Hour 5 Minutes.
Makes 6 servings.

2 tablespoons butter
2/3 cup chopped Spanish onion
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 cup chopped green chile peppers
1 clove garlic, minced
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 dash ground cumin

12 (8 inch) corn tortillas
canola oil for frying
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1 cup shredded mild Cheddar cheese
2 cups shredded, cooked
chicken breast meat
1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup chopped green onion
1/2 cup sliced green olives
1 pint cherry tomatoes

Directions

Prepare salsa verde:
Melt butter in saucepan over medium heat.
Saute the onion until soft. Stir in the flour.
Add the broth, then add the chiles, garlic, salt, and cumin.
Simmer about 15 minutes to blend flavors, then set aside.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C.)

In a heavy skillet, lightly fry tortillas in shallow oil,
being careful not to make them too crisp to roll.
Combine the cheeses and keep 1/2 cup aside for topping.
Dipeach tortilla in salsa verde (both sides.)
Place 2 heaping tablespoons chicken and about 2
tablespoons cheese down the center of each;
roll and place seam side down in a shallow dish.

After all the rolled tortillas are in the dish, spoon
additional salsa verde over them and then cover evenly with heavy
cream. Sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup cheese mixture, and
with the green onions.

Bake uncovered in preheated oven for 20 minutes. Serve
immediately, garnished with the olives, cherry tomatoes, and with
additional salsa on the side.

Prep Time: approx. 15 Minutes.
Cook Time: approx. 6 Hours .
Ready in: approx. 6 Hours 15 Minutes.
Makes 6 to 8 servings.

3 pounds beef brisket
1 (1 ounce) package dry onion
soup mix
1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup all-purpose flour

Directions

Preheat oven to 275 degrees F (135 degrees C).

Coat the inside of an oven roasting bag with flour.

Place brisket inside of bag.

Pour water over the brisket and sprinkle on garlic powder, dry onion soup mix, and ground black pepper.
Seal bag.
Using a fork, make two sets of holes in the top of the roasting bag.

Lay bag in a broiling pan.

Bake in a preheated oven for 6 to 8 hours.

Makes 8 servings.

2 pounds ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 celery ribs with leaves, chopped
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
1 2/3 cups canned crushed tomatoes
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon steak sauce
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon ground mustard
1/4 teaspoon paprika
8 hamburger buns, split

Directions

In a Dutch oven over medium heat, cook beef, onion, celery and green pepper until the meat is no longer pink and the vegetables are tender; drain.

Add the next nine ingredients; mix well. Simmer, uncovered, for 35-40 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Spoon 1/2 cup meat mixture onto each bun.

Enjoy!

These potatoes make a wonderful side dish for any meal and are terrific heated up the next day for lunch.

Prep Time: approx. 15 Minutes.
Cook Time: approx. 1 Hour 15 Minutes.
Ready in: approx. 1 Hour 30 Minutes.
Makes 8 servings

4 large baking potatoes
8 slices bacon
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
4 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 cup shredded Cheddar
cheese, divided
8 green onions, sliced, divided

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

Bake potatoes in preheated oven for 1 hour.

Meanwhile, place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, crumble and set aside.

When potatoes are done allow them to cool for 10 minutes. Slice potatoes in half lengthwise and scoop the flesh into a large bowl; save skins.

To the potato flesh add sour cream, milk, butter, salt, pepper, 1/2 cup cheese and 1/2 the green onions.

Mix with a hand mixer until well blended and creamy.
Spoon the mixture into the potato skins.
Top each with remaining cheese, green onions and bacon.

Bake for another 15 minutes.